As almost everyone in the world must know by now, there may not be enough guards to provide security for the 2012 London Olympics because of a planning and hiring fiasco.
Alas, there are no such concerns about the number of enforcement officers and lawyers charged with checking for violations of the Games' oppressive brand protection regulations.
The Orwellian-sounding Olympic Deliverance Authority has 280 Olympic brand enforcers authorized by the government fanning across Britain this week to ensure nobody uses the five hallowed rings for any purpose unless they have paid a fortune to Olympic organizers to do so.
The London Organizing Committee (LOCOG) has a second team of zealots doing similar work on behalf of the rich and powerful.
Among the offences these sleuths are ferreting out under the Olympic Games Act (2006) are putting two of the words "games" "2012" "Twenty Twelve," "gold," "bronze" or "medal" in the same sentence.
Offenders could be on the hook for fines of more than $30,000.
Heck, there is even said to be a legal ban on spectators uploading personal photos of the London Games onto social networking sites such as Facebook.
The roundup by the authorities has so far implicated an 81-year-old grandmother of six from Norfolk who made a tiny sweater with the Olympics rings for a child's doll that her knitting circle intended to sell through a church charity for $1.63.